Dave's Twisted History of Pizza

Despite New York's claim to be the founder of pizza, the modern day pizza has ancient origins. The first pizza did not have cheese or tomato toppings, but consisted of plain flatbreads. The first flatbreads were introduced thousands of years ago by cavemen. Evidence of this is found on the walls of ancient Middle Eastern caverns, which contained pictures of the earliest caveman, Kilroy, baking the first flatbread. I witnessed the following heiroglyphic evidence on the walls of those caves.

Over time, ancient peoples learned of Kilroy's flatbreads, but did not have the means to develop cave franchises. So people around the world made their own flatbreads from whatever local sources they could find (wild grains and grasses). Luckily for the ancient Hebrews, descendants of Kilroy were members of the families fleeing from the Pharaoh's slavery. They enjoyed their Matzohs, but they would have created full-blown pizza if they weren't running for their lives at the time! Other examples of ancient flatbreads are the corn tortillas of Mexico, the anise bread of Morocco, and the chapattis of India. The Greeks and Romans began crafting flatbreads into the precursors of the modern pizza, while Mexicans and Indians took their flatbreads in completely opposite directions. Not to be outdone by the Greeks, those crazy Etruscans baked pizza-like breads and seasoned them with a variety of toppings. These types of breads evolved into focaccia bread.

Pizza evolved from Kilroy's ancient flatbreads to something more like our version of pizza from the 5th through the 15th centuries in Naples, Italy. Inspired by the legend of Kilroy and his pizza peers, peasants during the Middle Ages made flat breads from wheat flour, olive oil, lard and herbs, and sprinkled them with cheese to add a modern flavor. To confirm this theory, we visited Italy several times. Many of the Italian landmarks we explored displayed the expression "Kilroy showed us."

Pizza was improving, but still did not have one of the essential ingresients that makes pizza the most favorite food in the world today - the tomato (or as former U.S. Vice President Dan Quayle once spelled it, tomatoe). It wasn't until the 16th century until Europeans brought back the tomato from Peru and Mexico. Originally, Europeans did not eat the tomato, but used it as an ornamental plant because they believed it was poisonous. Over time, however, people discovered that the tomato was not poisonous. During the eighteenth century, the tomato became enormously popular in Italy. Today, the tomato is one of the standard ingredients in the typical pizza. Some people like "white" pizza (pizza without tomato sauce) better than real pizza. I think they're nuts!

Around this time, pizza had become popular among the peasants of Naples, and many people traveled to the poorer sections of Naples for this wonderful food. We took the time machine back to 18th century Naples and saw street vendors walking around and calling out in a manner similar to today's United States ball park vendors, "Pizza, pizza, get your pizza heah!" and "beah, beah, beah heah!" The pizza was outstanding, but the beer was too warm. Over the 17th and 18th centuries, Naples gained a reputation as the pizza capitol of Italy. The first pizzeria, Antica Pizzeria Port'Alba, opened in Naples in 1830. In 1889, Rafaele Esposito baked pizza especially for King Umberto I and Queen Margherita. Esposito topped his dough with red tomato sauce, white mozzarella cheese and green basil leaves. Queen Margherita thought the pizza was "molto buono e grande!" The pizza, which became known as Pizza Margherita, is still a popular choice today among peasants, royalty and Ann Bevans.

During the mid to late 19th century, Italians emigrated from Italy to introduce a cuisine-deprived United States to the most important food on the planet. We owe them a debt of gratitude for moving to the United States for such a noble purpose. Between 1895 and 1900, pizzaholic Gennaro Lombardi formulated his plans to open the first pizzeria in the United States. In 1905, he opened the first United States pizzeria in New York. Over the next 25 years many pizzerias opened New York and other cities. During that time some of the most significant and influential pizzerias were opened in the Boston area by Italian immigrants, who set a new standard for good pizza in the United States and throughout the world. One of these pizzerias is Pizzeria Regina. Reginas opened in Boston's historic North End in 1926, and has served Neapolitan-style, thin crust pizza, prepared in gas-fired brick ovens ever since. Boston pizza is "pissah," which is "great" in Bostonian. New York and Boston style pizza had become hot on the scene.

To be continued...